jaye is much better now she takes girl tablets. she is a fucking amazing parent, collector of other people debris and discarded images, musical savant, currently unemployed hackney based painter and drawer of pictures, computer saddo, documentary film-maker in waiting & petite and bijoux science fiction fan girl... oh and i play records too :)

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my ex rescued my foray into therapeutic DIY hairdressing without me resorting to the hairclippers that I was threatening.. Not as bad as I thought it would be. Bobtastic.

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my eyes are sore from crying and no sleep

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Asked Anonymous






I don’t understand how a trans woman could call other trans women ‘men’ tbh. Like how could you misgender someone knowing what that’s like? Trans people find themselves at all points in their life, for all kind of reasons. It can take a person a long time to access the resources to even find out who they are, never mind accepting it. Being trans is absolutely something you can wake up one day and realise, because you have to be able to access the resources to understand what being trans is and that it’s possible to live that way. Then, a lot of things make sense in hindsight. And why can’t trans people get married and have kids? Why aren’t trans people allowed to live a life before they transition? Do you expect trans people to just pause and not live or love until they realise they are trans?

Anonymous probably isn’t a trans woman.

Anyway, whether anon is or is not a trans woman, she’s full of shit. Trans women I know personally who have transitioned in middle age pretty much always have experiences similar to trans women who transitioned earlier in life. I am not saying there is one experience, there are actually several, with different ages of realization and different levels of denial and acceptance. 

There used to be this ridiculous distinction of “primary transsexual” who was someone who knew from an early age and transitioned asap, and a “secondary transsexual” who supposedly knew from a much later age and transitioned later. This distinction is bullshit if only because there are countless reasons a trans woman doesn’t transition as early as possible.

And I can’t even begin to guess how many trans women I have known who married and (sometimes) had children before transition. A significant number of these trans women stayed with their families. It depends on the people involved, and someone who transitions in adulthood after a marriage does not always end up with a divorce.

And as far as I can tell in the 25 years since I transitioned (at 18, to clarify where I am in this discussion), I have not encountered any sign that these women give younger trans women a bad name.

I’m starting to think that anyone who conforms to what is perceived as a negative stereotype is automatically not trans to some people.

Transitioned late? Not trans! Uses different pronouns? Not trans! Doesn’t experience dysphoria? Not trans! Identifies under a weird label? Not trans!

And what these all seem to have in common is that they are less respectable than the early-blooming, dysphoric, binary trans person who very definitely should pursue transition as early as possible and nobody disputes that. That’s it. Who is it that ‘give[s other] trans people a bad name’? Cis bigots. So anon and anyone who uses this argument is actually making the opposite of their intended point — it’s harder for transphobic cis people to accept these groups of trans people, and apparently that is the standard by which these people measure transness.

Constructing a set of behaviours as ‘negative stereotypes’ serves to restrict and conform behaviour. If we all agree that doing x is bad and wrong, then anyone who does x has immense social pressure to stop doing x. That’s literally what’s going on. Cis people have collectively identified a group of behaviours that are ‘good’, or at least ‘better’, and a group of behaviours that are ‘bad’, or ‘worse’, and some trans people who happen to fall into the ‘good’ category are eating that shit up. Hey, we’re one of the good ones, look, all you bad trans people, why can’t you just be more like us, then we’ll all get along!

It doesn’t work that way, and the sooner people realize that, the better off everyone will be.

we just don’t need to shit on other trans women in order to make our own identity more ‘true’ or valid.  its ok for there to be a wide range of trans experiences and stories.  this is absolutely necessary.

i didn’t know at a young age - because i was told that was impossible and i really wanted to be good and realistic and loved.  i internalized the messages of my culture about gender to some degree because that is what culture means.  i didn’t know until later in life - one reason for this, which i believe is more common in later transitioners - is that i have always been more attracted to women than to men.  this meant that i was not always a part of gay communities.  this meant that most of my close friends were lesbians and - guess what? - there weren’t a lot of trans women in those circles.  this meant that when i heard a lot of messages from self-hating gays about how they were ‘born this way’ and would change if they could, i thought to myself ‘well obviously i should just be a straight guy then because it seems like that is an option.’  so i focused on loving other people and solving other people’s problems rather than on myself.  and consequently, i was 27 and engaged and could easily have had kids by the time i realized that i could and needed to transition.  i can easily imagine that if i’d had kids i would have been more absorbed in their lives and paid even less attention to my own needs, and in that case i can easily imagine failing to think about it until later in life.

so like, you can call me a man if you want, but its not going to change anything.  its going to keep things more the shitty same way they’ve been.

Sharing for more “trans woman on trans woman hate” sucks and needs to go out of style like rotary phones.

This sort of anon comment is definately what’s contributing my fucked up state at the moment..

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Also.. social media, groups and and that jazz has become pretty triggering too so I’m gonna try and ramp down if not leave that lark too.

I’m thinking this may be all happening again because I’ve not had any cymbalta for 4days and sort of stopped taking my estrogen as well. On top of that I’ve gone through two bottles of jack and a couple of nice bottles of wine this weekend and haven’t really slept since Friday. Really am feeling wired, full of brain shocks and the dark edges.

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Sorry about last night. Still deep in it.